I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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