just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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