Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
