this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
