You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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