Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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