Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
