Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
