if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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