I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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