I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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