You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
