We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
