where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
