She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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