she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
