So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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