So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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