1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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