Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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