my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
