I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
His nipple licking is glorious
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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