Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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