Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
