Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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