I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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