This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
