"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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