Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He shit in the fireplace
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
