Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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