My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you never un-have a 4some
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
