So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
