she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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