its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
