You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
