Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
