Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
