I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
