No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
