dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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