I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
