It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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