I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize