so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
