My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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