just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize