Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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