I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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