dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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