Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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