She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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