dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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