A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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