Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you didnt know i had herpes?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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