cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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