I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
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