This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sorry my hands just texted you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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