you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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