my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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