It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
