The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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