I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
