All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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