as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize