i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
