can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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