Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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